OH I AM A PIRATE KING

 


Blair rolled off of Jim, sweaty, breathless and smiling. It took Jim a moment longer to get his breath back; then he flipped over onto his back and gathered Blair into his arms. He could feel Blair’s semen trickling slowly out of him, a surprisingly erotic sensation. His whole body hummed pleasantly, even though this had been just a quick wham-bam to take the edge off. It had, after all, been over a week since they’d had time or energy for even quickies, and although Simon had given them a long weekend off, last night they’d been too exhausted to do more than fall into bed and sleep. Now, however, the weekend loomed before them, no plans, no duties, and Jim swore that although he and Blair might not leave the bed all weekend, they were going to crawl into work Tuesday morning more exhausted than they’d staggered out.

 

Blair propped his head up on one hand. His eyes were still hazy with satisfaction, his hair adorably wild.

 

“So... what do you want to do today?” he grinned.

 

Jim gave him a wounded look.

 

“Well, gee, Chief, it’s been a week since we’ve had time for more than a quick kiss,” he said. “What the hell do you think I want to do all day?”

 

Blair laughed.

 

“Okay, okay, we’re in agreement,” he said. “I was just kind of prompting for specifics, okay? It’s our first long weekend in I don’t know how long, and I just figured it should be something special, y’know?” He smirked. “Too bad Simon couldn’t get off too.” He waggled his eyebrows at the double entendre.

 

“Mmmmm. Yeah,” Jim agreed softly. It was too bad. Simon’s birthday, the day Jim and Blair had first invited the big captain into their hearts and their bed, had unfortunately taken place just before the caseload from hell had dropped on Major Crimes. It was hard to leave things at that stage – only that hot but rather awkward and tentative beginning, no time to confirm and cement the relationship. But the case load at Major Crimes was still heavy – Simon had sent him and Blair home to recuperate but come Tuesday they’d be busy again – and there was no way the exhausted Captain could take time off too.

 

Blair sniffed and grimaced.

 

“Wow, man,” he said. “I get the first shower.”

 

“What’s wrong with showering together?” Jim pointed out.

 

“You can join me if you want to,” Blair said, leaning over for a slow kiss. “But give me a few minutes, okay? I want to, you know, clean up a little. ‘Cause I want you inside me next time.”

 

Jim shivered at the thought, but it was too soon after his climax, especially after the exhaustion of the last couple of weeks; the south wasn’t ready to rise again just yet.

 

             

 

“So,” Blair repeated, flopping down on the couch beside Jim, dressed only in his boxers and an old t-shirt. “What d’you want to do today?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jim shrugged. “I thought we’d just, you know, play it by ear.”

 

“Ear?” Blair repeated, grinning mischievously. “Now that’s a new one on me.”

 

They settled back in their favorite relaxing-on-the-couch position, Jim lying back against the arm, Blair leaned comfortably back against his shoulder, Jim’s arms around his lover.

 

“I know what,” Blair said suddenly, turning so he could see Jim’s face. “Tell me a fantasy.”

 

Jim blushed.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why not?” Blair prodded Jim further down on the couch and rolled over on top of him, gazing down into his face. “You’ve never told me any of your fantasies. Anybody who had that extensive of a toy collection up in his bedroom has to have had a pretty damned hot fantasy life. C’mon, Jim. Give.”

 

Jim shivered. The idea was a little frightening and strangely exciting.

 

“You’re sure?” he said hesitantly. “I mean, some of them are kind of, I don’t know, weird.”

 

“The weirder the better, man,” Blair chuckled. “Come on, what’s your very, very hottest, favorite fantasy? The one that lit you up when nothing else in the world could?”

 

Jim considered, then felt his blush spread downward. No way, not that one. Let’s see –

 

“Wait a minute there,” Blair said firmly. “I want to hear the one you just discarded.”

 

Jim glanced up at him, startled.

 

“How did you know – “

 

“You looked thoughtful. Then your eyes lit up and got real dark and your nostrils flared. Then you blushed as red as a Coke can, your lips thinned out, and you looked thoughtful again. No censorship here, Jim. I want to hear that one. Is it about me?”

 

“Well – all my hottest fantasies were about you,” Jim admitted. “But that one’s kind of, I don’t know, kinky.” Try ‘perverted and sick’, his mind added.

 

“Hey, I thrive on kinky,” Blair grinned. “Now I’ve really got to hear it. Give.”

 

“I’m not real comfortable with this,” Jim protested. “It’s – um – it’s – “ He swallowed. “It’s kind of a bodice-ripper, if you know what I mean.”

 

Blair raised one eyebrow.

 

“What, one of us is in drag?”

 

“No!” Jim felt his face flaming. “No. I mean, some if it’s kind of – oh, hell, most if it’s, um, non-consensual.”

 

Blair bent down and kissed him.

 

“Jim, it’s a fantasy. I understand the distinction. It’s letting your secret desires out to play in a socially acceptable fashion for a little while. Do you think, even for a minute, that when I’ve got your collar on you and got you trussed up tighter than a Thanksgiving turkey that I’d ever actually injure you?”

 

Jim blinked.

 

“Of course not. I know you’d never hurt me.”

 

“And I know you’d never actually hurt or coerce me,” Blair said firmly. “Now tell. You’ve got me really curious now.”

 

Jim squirmed, sighed, and gave in.

 

“Okay,” he said. “In my fantasy, you’re Blair Sandburg – “

 

“Gee whiz, no kidding!”

 

Jim glared.

 

“ – adventurer, scholar and fortune hunter of the 18th Century,” he finished with dignity. “When you inherit a case of old books from an uncle who died under mysterious circumstances, you find hidden in one of the books a very old map showing the route to a fabulous pirate treasure long thought lost. The map gives the location of the legendary Skull Island, where the greatest pirates once hid their loot, although its location has been lost for years.”

 

“Oooh, this sounds good,” Blair said, making himself comfortable on Jim’s chest. “Are we talking jewels? Doubloons?”

 

“All of the above, not to mention bullion,” Jim told him. “So you put together a ship and crew as quickly and as quietly as you can, never suspecting that one of the men you’ve hired is actually a spy for ‘Eagleye’ Jim Ellison, the dreaded Pirate King, scourge of the seven seas, who gained the nickname ‘Eagleye’ for his ability to shoot a target at huge distances with a fiendish accuracy.”

 

“The fellow does sound familiar,” Blair admitted.

 

“You and your crew put out to sea with all haste,” Jim told him. “But only a few days’ journey from the mapped location of Skull Island, you see another ship approaching fast. The Captain looks through his spyglass and tells you that it’s none other than Pirate Jim’s – my – ship, sailing directly for yours.”

 

“Oh, dear,” Blair said. “I quiver with dread.”

 

“You should.” Jim kissed him. “You’ve heard it rumored, first, that I’m totally ruthless, absolutely merciless, and second, that I have a taste for beautiful young men like you. This terrifies you because of course you’ve never let a man touch you.”

 

“Oh, dear,” Blair said again, shivering. “Can we outrun – pardon me, outsail – this cruel villain?”

 

“The Captain tries,” Jim said. “But the Bloodhawk – that’s my ship – is gaining fast. Desperately, you memorize and then destroy the map so it won’t fall into my fiendish hands.”

 

“I’m very resourceful,” Blair said.

 

“And very brave,” Jim agrees. “Your Captain gives it his best effort, but the Bloodhawk soon overtakes you, and a fierce battle ensues. Soon your ship is boarded, and although the crew fights valiantly, my men and I prevail. We take everyone captive. The crew is thrown below decks, and you are brought, quaking with fear, your clothes strategically torn, before me.”

 

“Oh, wow,” Blair said softly, shivering again. “Will no one save me?”

 

“Not a chance.” Jim raised his head slightly, looking more closely at Blair. His eyes were glazed, his lips moist and parted, and Jim could feel Blair’s renewed erection throbbing against his thigh. A devil flew into him and a fiendish idea took shape.

 

“Sit up for a minute,” he said.

 

“Huh?” Blair sat up, frowning disappointedly. “Hey, what about the rest of the fantasy?”

 

“I’ll tell you,” Jim promised. “I’ve got an idea.”

 

“Oh.” Blair bit his lip. “I like the sound of that.”

 

“Wait here.” Jim hurried into the playroom and selected his props, laying them ready on the large tray and covering them with a towel. Leaving the tray where it was, he picked up the padded blindfold and walked back out into the living room.

 

“Ooooh,” Blair said, looking at the blindfold. “This looks interesting. What did you have in mind, Jim?”

 

“A virtual reality fantasy,” Jim told him, smiling. He held up the blindfold. “May I?”

 

“May you ever,” Blair said fervently, allowing Jim to tie the blindfold comfortably but securely over his eyes. “What now?”

 

Jim hurried back to the playroom, fetched the tray and set it nearby. Blair cocked an ear but neither moved nor asked. Jim picked up his first prop, a long silk scarf.

 

“Cross your wrists behind you,” he said.

 

Blair sucked in his breath sharply and immediately obeyed, turning slightly to give Jim easy access to his crossed wrists. Jim looped the scarf several times around his wrists, binding them snugly but not tightly; instead of tying the ends, however, he simply pushed them into Blair’s hand, Blair obediently clutching them tight. Because of several bad experiences, most notably his kidnapping by Lash, Blair wasn’t completely comfortable with real bondage, so they’d developed this compromise. Blair could get loose anytime he wanted to, but at the same time he could enjoy the illusion of helplessness. Jim settled Blair comfortably, sitting back in the sofa.

 

“So – I’m tied up, my clothes are torn, and I’m brought before Pirate Jim,” Blair panted. “What happens then?”

 

“The instant I see you, I know I have to have you,” Jim said in a low voice, smiling as the goosebumps rose on Blair’s skin. “But I want the treasure, too, and I ask you where the map is. You tell me that you destroyed it, that I’ll never find Skull Island and the treasure. But I know you’d never have destroyed the map unless you’d memorized it. Which means all I have to do now is get the information out of you. This falls in nicely with my depraved and evil plans for your beautiful innocent body.”

 

“Oh, my God,” Blair whispered.

 

“I order you taken to my cabin. In the meantime, under my orders, my men loot your ship and throw the crew into dinghies; they can make it to the nearest island without too much trouble. As soon as they’re well away from your ship, I blow out its hull and sink it. Then I return to my cabin where I find you bound and helpless, awaiting my pleasure.”

 

Blair gasped. “I’m doomed,” he moaned.

 

“I ask you again for the location to the treasure, but you defiantly refuse. Never mind; I don’t care. Your refusal just gives me an excuse to toy with you. Here, stand up a minute.”

 

Blair let Jim steady him up to his feet. The smaller man was trembling slightly. Jim bent lower and whispered in Blair’s ear.

 

“May I use the spreader bar?”

 

Blair moaned wordlessly, nodding. Jim returned to the playroom briefly to fetch the bar. He tossed it onto the couch.

 

“Just let me move you a little.” He guided Blair to the long, low coffee table and, with some difficulty, positioned Blair so that he was straddling it, standing with his legs separated by the table’s width. He picked up the spreader bar and fastened it to Blair’s ankles under the table, Blair moaning again when he realized Jim’s strategy. He could move his legs fairly freely, although they were held wide apart, but the spreader bar under the table was confined between the front and back legs of the table.

 

“Very good,” Jim said. The sight of Blair blindfolded and bound for his pleasure was incredibly erotic.

 

Blair licked his lips, standing perfectly still.

 

“So what do you do next?” he whispered.

 

“Although your clothes are strategically torn, that’s not good enough for me,” Jim said in a low voice. He picked up the pair of scissors he’d fetched. “I want you naked, completely exposed to my view. So I draw my dagger and slowly, slowly cut the clothes from your body.”

 

He would never have used a knife, of course, while Blair was blindfolded and bound; Blair might jerk and hurt himself, or the similarities to the kidnapping might frighten him. But the scissors sheared cleanly through the boxers and the t-shirt, and Blair moaned deliciously as the blunt, cold metal back of the scissors slid along his skin. The fabric fell away, leaving him naked.

 

“When you’re completely naked and at my mercy, I throw you to my bed,” Jim said. “I want to have a look at my new possession before I begin your interrogation.”

 

He guided Blair down to the table, laying him down comfortably on his back. He eased a pillow under Blair’s buttocks so that Blair’s wrists weren’t trapped between the weight of his body and the hard table. Then he picked up his next prop from the tray – a leather cock and ball strap, the same as Blair occasionally used on him during their play. Blair moaned when Jim fastened the straps snugly around the base of his cock and the base of his scrotum, but made no protest.

 

Jim moved to Blair’s side and touched him slowly, warmly, just the way Blair liked it – starting at his hairline and down over his face, his jaw, his throat, not massaging, just running his warm hands over him. Blair moaned, arching up into the touch, and Jim continued down Blair’s chest, stopping for a moment to thumb the rosy nipples into aching hardness before he continued down Blair’s abdomen, his belly.

 

“I can’t believe how beautiful you are, what a prize I’ve captured,” Jim said. “Even the treasure of Skull Island pales by comparison, and I’m going to plunder your body like I’ve never plundered any ship that ever sailed the seas. But my men want that treasure, and so do I, so I’m bound to have the secret out of you – one way or another. I begin touching you, exploring my new toy. You’re so responsive to my merest touch that I’m going out of my mind with desire. Despite your fear, every part of your body answers to me. You’re so hard, throbbing and leaking, as I make your innocent young body experience feelings you’ve never known before.”

 

He reached over to the tray and picked up the feather. Blair moaned as Jim stroked the insides of his spread thighs with the softness, stroking slowly over Blair’s smoothly shaved groin, perineum and bound scrotum, careful not to tickle. Blair shuddered violently as the feather slowly climbed his throbbing erection, but Jim withdrew the feather before it reached the leaking tip. Blair was panting now, every muscle tense.

 

With his free hand, Jim stroked up and down Blair’s erection a few times, just to push him that much closer to the edge. Then he clasped the firm shaft just below the head and pulled down, pulling the skin taut and making the moist slit in the tip gape slightly. Blair screamed and nearly came up off the table as ever so slowly, Jim stroked the edge of the feather through the slit, then reversed it and went back again. Blair screamed again and shuddered violently, his legs trying vainly to close, with a climax that had nowhere to go but to echo back and forth within his body, denied the release of ejaculation. When Blair at last slumped trembling and sweaty back to the table, Jim laid the feather aside, stroking Blair’s body soothingly until he calmed.

 

“Ohgodohgod,” Blair whispered. “I am in such fucking trouble here.”

 

“You have no idea,” Jim agreed. “But I’ve hardly begun examining my new plaything.”

 

Blair was limp with pleasure, and Jim had to basically hoist him upright. That done, he coaxed Blair backward until his feet were near the other end of the table. Jim sat down on the coffee table, making sure the tray was within easy reach, and eased Blair down until he lay down forward, his hips over Jim’s lap. Jim licked his lips lasciviously at the gorgeous spectacle of Blair’s beautiful ass lying right in his lap for him to play with.

 

“Your fear and reluctance don’t tell me anything; of course everybody is afraid of the dread Pirate Jim,” Jim said. He kneaded Blair’s buttocks slowly, then spread them, his fingertips drifting down the sweaty cleft between them. Blair moaned softly when Jim’s fingertip slowly circled his anus; then his other fingers joined the game, teasing the little pucker gently, carefully pressing it open. “But it soon becomes apparent to me that you’re a virgin to the pleasures of masculine love. You can see that this knowledge excites me tremendously, and that terrifies you, but you’re still determined that you’ll never give me the treasure. I’m going to have to devise new depraved methods of making you talk.”

 

“Ohhhh, man, I’m made of sterner stuff than I thought if I can hold out against this,” Blair whimpered.

 

Jim reached for the tube of lubricant and squeezed some out onto his fingers. Blair shuddered violently when the slick fingertip breached the entrance to his body, exploring the smooth heat inside.

 

“As I toy with your body, I warn you of the consequences of your continued silence,” Jim said, easing a second finger inside his Guide, then a third. “Nobody successfully defies Pirate Jim. You could get a flogging, for example. God alone knows how many strokes this merciless pirate might administer to break down your resistance.”

 

“Ohmanohman,” Blair gasped as Jim’s fingers found his prostate and massaged it slowly. Blair moaned with disappointment when the fingers were suddenly withdrawn.

 

“Or perhaps, I tell you, I’ll simply turn you over to my crew for their pleasure,” Jim said. He picked up the first dildo on the tray, lubricating the slender length. “I think I’d have to let my ex-cabin boy use you first. He’s been very out of sorts since I put him out of my cabin, and I’m sure he’s utterly jealous of your beauty. So maybe I’d have to let that lad have you first.”

 

Blair cried out as Jim slid the slender dildo slowly but firmly into him, thrusting slowly at first, then deeper, harder. Blair shuddered and tried to push back against the strokes, but Jim held him still with a hand on the small of his back. He pushed Blair to the trembling edge again, then withdrew the dildo, grinning at Blair’s protesting cry.

 

“Is there no end to your depravity?” Blair asked in a shaking voice.

 

“None at all. You can expect no mercy,” Jim said, chuckling evilly. He picked up the second dildo. This one was thicker and longer. “Next I’d give you to my first mate. Not my present mate, just the first one. He’s a big burly fellow, strong as an ox – hung like one, too – and about as smart.”

 

“Ahhhhhh!” Blair groaned as Jim slowly inserted the thicker dildo. “Don’t you – want to – keep me – for – yourself?”

 

“Oh, of course,” Jim said sagely. “But I have to make you talk. I have to make you give up the treasure. Besides, once I’ve had you, then no man on this ship, no matter how well hung, could possibly pose much of a threat, you see.”

 

“I – uhhhhhhh! – see,” Blair gasped, his hips making little futile thrusts against the dildo. Once again Jim took him to the edge, then withdrew the toy. Blair was gasping now, every muscle taut and trembling.

 

“So – who would you – turn me over to – next?” Blair panted. “I don’t think I can hold out much longer against such terrifying threats.”

 

Jim smiled, lubricating the thick, smooth shaft of the vibrator.

 

“Next I’d turn you over to my quartermaster, who of course will give you a lot more than a quarter,” he said. “This man comes from the mystic East and knows a thousand forbidden pleasures, a hundred thousand ways to break down the strongest man’s resistance. God alone knows what he’d do to a tender young morsel like you.”

 

Blair went rigid all over as Jim slid the vibrator into his trembling body and turned it on, working it slowly, smoothly in and out, teasing the pulsating opening, then plunging deep again.

 

“Uhhhh – Jim, I don’t – ahhhh! – think I can – hold out,” Blair moaned. “I think I’m – ready to talk – “

 

“I tell you how much I want that treasure,” Jim said, relentlessly stroking Blair with the vibrator, pausing to press it against his prostate, then going back to the deep rhythmic strokes. “I tell you I’ll do whatever it takes to make you give it up to me. I’ve got you right where I want you now, helpless, vulnerable, spread wide for my most evil pleasures, and you know I’ll stop at nothing to get what I want from you.”

 

“Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,” Blair whimpered, squirming desperately on Jim’s lap. “Can’t stand it, can’t hold out, can’t – “

 

“But still you refuse me.”

 

“Noooooooo,” Blair wailed as Jim withdrew the vibrator. “I want to talk, want to give it up, give you everything, anything you want, I’ll sing like a bird, bark like a dog, what the hell, it’s all yours – “

 

“Now, Blair,” Jim chided gently. “Hush. I’m not finished torturing the information out of you yet.”

 

He lifted Blair out of his lap and got up off the table, then laid Blair back down, easing a thick pillow under his belly. Blair’s buttocks weren’t jutting upward quite as obscenely as before, so Jim added a second pillow. There. Perfect.

 

“Uhh – ready to talk? Please? Wanna let your captive spill the beans?” Blair wheedled desperately.

 

Jim sat down on the coffee table again just behind Blair’s ass, picking up the vibrator again.

 

“Not yet,” he said sternly. “I still haven’t quite managed to plumb your depths, but it’s coming soon, I just know it.”

 

“Oh, God, I sure hope so,” Blair said fervently. Then he let out an unearthly howl as Jim slid the vibrator back into him, smooth and deep, working it in and out until Blair was a shuddering, sweaty, incoherently begging pile of utterly desperate Guide.

 

“Then inspiration strikes,” Jim said. “If you won’t give Pirate Jim the treasure – “

 

“I will, I will, I promise,” Blair babbled. “It’s all yours already, take the damned gold, okay? Pretty please?

 

“Shhhh,” Jim said sternly. “If you won’t give me the treasure, then the dread Pirate Jim will have to do something he’s never done in his many years as scourge of the seas. We’ll have to share it.”

 

“Okay, okay, you name the split, it’s all yours,” Blair said eagerly. He cried out as Jim thrust the vibrator deep one last time.

 

“I knew you’d see it my way,” Jim grinned, withdrawing the vibrator and laying it aside – then substituting his aching erection in one deep, smooth plunge.

 

Blair screamed and would have come up off the table had it not been for Jim’s hand firmly holding him down. Jim thrust hard, deep, rhythmically and Blair sobbed in gratitude, pushing back against him as much as his awkward position and restraints would allow.

 

“So I’m giving you treasure – ” Jim gasped.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thankyouthankyou – “

 

“And you’re giving me treasure – “

 

“Yeahyeahyeah oh God MORE – “

 

“Which of course is kind of academic because now you’re – oh – oh – “

 

“I’m – oh yeah there, there, like that, please God YES – “

 

“Now you’re mine – “

 

“Yours, yours, all yours – “

 

“And from now on whatever we want we’ll take, together – “

 

“Yeah, good, yeah, please – “

 

“And the first thing you’re going to take is my cock – “

 

“Harder, damn it! Harder pleeeeeeeeease – “

 

“Just – like – oh, oh yeah, almost, almost – THIS!” And feeling the final explosion gathering, he reached under Blair, popping the snaps on the leather straps confining his genitals. And then it was too late for thought; the world was shaking, exploding, imploding in hot tight wet pulses as Jim pumped his soul into his lover, roaring out his pleasure as Blair screamed in ecstasy. And with a few last, almost brutal thrusts, Jim simply collapsed onto his limp Guide, immobile for several moments.

 

At last Jim became aware that between the hard table and his weight, Blair’s wheezy breaths probably weren’t inspired by passion. Moving was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he rolled off Blair – and onto the floor with a thud. It took him several minutes to regain sufficient brain activity and muscular coordination to gently release Blair from the spreader bar and unwind the scarf from around his wrists; then he simply pulled Blair off the table and over into his arms and they cuddled limply together on the rug. Blair barely turned his head to press a kiss onto Jim’s sweaty chest.

 

“So – what happens after that?” he whispered breathlessly.

 

“Huh?”

 

“The treasure. Pirate Jim.”

 

Jim chuckled wearily.

 

“Well, to tell you the truth, Blair, by that point my wrist is usually aching and my balls completely empty,” he admitted.

 

“Hey, man, that’s not fair. You gotta finish the story.”

 

“Okay, okay.” Jim took a deep breath. “Well, Blair and Pirate Jim are both pretty damned satisfied with their shares of the treasure – “

 

“We damned well better be!”

 

“ – which is, after all, the most incredible treasure ever taken in the history of the world.”

 

“You got that right.”

 

“So considering that I can’t kill you, and I’m damned well not going to let you go, I decide to make you my new cabin boy in perpetuity – if you’ll accept the position, that is.”

 

“Any position you want. Later. I don’t think I could raise the mast right now.”

 

“The feeling’s mutual. At any rate, since we’re both set for life – “

 

“Damned right, for life.”

 

“ – there’s really no reason for Pirate Jim to continue his wandering, plundering ways.”

 

“Good for you. Good for me too.”

 

“So I guess we’ll have to buy a beautiful tropical island and – well, I was going to say go straight, but I think I’ll phrase it a little differently.”

 

“Good idea.”

 

“So I think we’ll just live happily and decadently ever after.”

 

“Very cool.” Blair raised his head slightly. “Absolutely awesome fantasy, man. And people say you’ve got no imagination.”

 

Jim chuckled fondly.

 

“Actually I believe you’ve said I have no imagination.”

 

“I stand, or rather sprawl, corrected. In a big way.” Blair propped his chin on Jim’s chest, his eyes sparkling. “Wow. We just lived one of your fantasies. I loved it.”

 

“Chief, you are my fantasy. You’re definitely too good to be true.”

 

“We should do this whenever we get a weekend off,” Blair suggested. “Pick a fantasy, maybe act it out, maybe just share it, you know? But next time we get to do one of mine.”

 

Jim shivered.

 

“Now, that’s a thought worth pursuing,” he agreed.

 

“Poor Simon,” Blair reflected. “He should’ve been in on this one.”

 

“Sorry,” Jim said. “This fantasy predated any involvement with Simon, I’m afraid. So there’s no place for him in there.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Blair protested. “Fantasies mutate with time, you know that. Let’s see.” He smiled thoughtfully. “Simon could be the dashing naval officer who’s pursued Pirate Jim to the ends of the earth and sails in just in time to rescue me – “

 

“You want to be rescued?” Jim asked dubiously.

 

“ – and slap you in irons,” Blair chuckled. “Whereupon he and I could exact our revenge upon you for the torments you inflicted upon my poor innocent body.”

 

“Oh, man,” Jim groaned.

 

“Or maybe he’s the hunky tribal chieftain living on Skull Island,” Blair suggested. “Who captures us both when we arrive looking for the treasure and drags us back to his village. And we then have to pass several horrible trials, not to mention satisfy the chieftain’s every perverted whim, to save our lives.”

 

“Oh, man,” Jim groaned. “Chief, have mercy. You can’t raise the dead. At least not this fast. Save it for next time, okay?”

 

“Nah, I’ve got a better idea for my turn,” Blair purred. “So tell me, Jim, how much are rent boys going for these days?”

 


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